馨源

My First and Last ~ PEDICURE

2008-10-05T23:17:00.003+08:00

Experiencing Pedicure to kill time before enjoying Spanish High Tea:

Too time consuming
Too boring
Too expensive
Most important of all, I can do better

The final product, with a little bit of extra finishing by ME...

Guzheng Fund-Raising Concert

2008-07-05T23:34:00.010+08:00

Blue Ocean Guzheng Association is organising this concert @ Woodlands CC Theatrette on 6 July 2008 (Sunday), i.e. tomorrow, to raise funds for the relief and re-construction work of Sichuan & Myanmar after the recent disasters. Styled in a free and easy fashion, for a period of 4 hours (3pm to 7pm), audience may enter or leave the concert hall when changing items or performers. Performers include guzheng professionals, instructors and students, as well as myself (estimated performance time 3.25pm).

Ticket(s) @ $10 pax may be purchased from:

Woodlands CC

Add: 1 Woodlands Street 81, Singapore 738256

Tel: 6368 9938

P.S. Donations are welcomed by cash or cheque payable to “Tzu Chi Foundation”.

My Girls and I

2008-06-14T18:27:00.001+08:00

Enjoyable Moments

2008-06-04T12:37:00.003+08:00

Although I enjoy cooking, I don't cook often. Why?

My mum is particular worried about me cutting my fingers.
Ingredient constraints as I am not the one marketing.
Cooking methods constraints ...
The kitchen is my mum’s territory or personal space…not so nice to intrude.
Position and responsibilities within a family…
Others, maybe ...

However, there are times that I do get to do it. For example, my today's creation 醋溜高山娃娃菜, country style yet exotic in taste, most enjoyable!

91A16 的班歌

2008-06-04T10:45:00.001+08:00

近日特别怀念那段在黄城无忧无虑的日子。终于找到了那个时候的班歌的音响 http://de-er.blogspot.com/2007/04/blog-post_12.html

《信的告白》

词／曲：赖国芳

风儿请你不要太匆忙

停下脚步我有话儿跟你讲

让我骑在你的翅膀上

跟你到那遥远地方

我是游子长长一封信

脸上写满奔波流浪的沧桑

要为他归去见他的故乡人

问一问别後可无恙

飞过山飞过大海　回到游子的故乡

卸下身上重负的情感　交给他白发爹娘

Intellect in Amusement

2008-05-30T23:48:00.007+08:00

From http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=201 and http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=198, illustrations of the equation: "Linguistics in the comics = Brighten the Day".

I fell in LOVE with this song in 1991 ...

2008-05-29T01:00:00.004+08:00

《只为那爱我愿》

愿我能把华初之光点燃

愿黄城之爱于心中滋长

愿友谊能把你心温暖

愿我有完成心愿的力量

没有瀑布与岩石的阻挡

溪水就没有悦耳的歌唱

不愿途中无波浪无挑战

愈经挫折生命愈灿烂

只为那爱我愿与你同行万里路

只为那爱我愿与你携手向前迈步

短暂相聚多急促

既然碰上了又岂能虚度

只为那爱我愿与你同行万里路

只为那爱我愿与你携手向前迈步

黄城两载多短促既然爱上了

又为何不付出

黄城两载多短促

既然爱上了又为何不付出~

http://apyls.hci.edu.sg/songs/zhiweinaai.mp3

多年以后再听这首，感动之情依旧。

只是，好像似乎和当年的不太一样了。

不知道是唱的人变了，还是听的人老了。

溺爱

2008-05-26T23:37:00.011+08:00

NJCOGZ停了一个多月，又要演出了。他们必须恢复并加紧练习。可是，NYGZ今天的练习时间是9-5pm。手心是肉，手背也是肉。结果，只好委屈NYGZ，乘中午的吃饭时间溜到隔壁去。说来可笑，我差一点就得搭德士去上课。虽然是邻居，由于学校的结构与管理，彼此的距离还得爬“山”只差没涉水才可跨越。为了减轻自己的愧疚感，给NYGZ准备了《The Cup》dvd的余兴节目，还免了她们大热天出外用餐的辛苦。她们自己订餐送到学校，我还钱。

以前，我总是反对家长以金钱的方式溺爱孩子。

今天，终于明白家长们的苦心。

Religious Belief-Happy Me

2008-05-25T01:09:00.008+08:00

"Does Religious Belief Increase Happiness?" For me, I do feel happier and peaceful whenever I am back in church...因为，能够回到神的圣所敬拜，聆听上帝的话语，已是极大的恩典。

Food & Comfort

2008-05-24T23:55:00.006+08:00

Applewood smoked bacon + Alder wood smoked salt + deep milk chocolate, 41% cacao = Bacon-Flavored Chocolate , something I would like to try. . .

It should be more pleasurable than Sichuan meat dumpling (粽子). My first and only bite of it was so drastic that I could still remember the sweet meaty experience in my mouth. Other than our local 肉干, I was not expecting a sweet taste from meat … Prof. Qiu, on the other hand, certainly did not look forward to seeing my purpled-face reaction to his favorite hometown delight. Although, we did took a long time to get used to our differences, we had more joy and laughter in the process…

According to student XL, chocolate will help comfort my stomach. Chocolate may not be able to help me much, but XL's words definitely did.

距离

2008-05-24T01:23:00.002+08:00

十年前，我喜欢慢跑在中国音乐学院的晚上。

十年后的夜晚，我爱上了从义顺中心走路回家的寂静。

今夜，突然觉得伸手就可以把月亮摘下来。

其实，月亮离自己并不那么远。

而，天堂也只在咫尺天涯。

以下，十年前的我：

Food & Sleep

2008-05-23T23:26:00.002+08:00

“When food is scarce, the feeding clock overrides the master clock, keeping animals awake until they find food.”

I have to admit that I do feel a bit drowsy after lunch. My recent observations on dinner, however, seems to indicate the opposite...

保鲜了的记忆

2008-05-22T01:24:00.005+08:00

以上的Montage是紫韵筝情的传统。如果少了它，NYGZ就不是NYGZ了。我宁可忍受同行、朋友们异样的眼光，用耐心回答他们的询问：“我的学生非常认真地对待她们的音乐会，就好像预备自己的婚礼一样。”

谢谢大家的努力，
谢谢大家容忍我的歇斯底里，
谢谢大家体谅我的善变（especially, nyco yqp）。

我们曾经一起追逐完美，
现在一起背负一切的不如意。
为着这许多的不完美，我们会更努力的。

以下的图片是大家心意的结晶，是紫韵筝情III保鲜了的回忆。

还记得紫韵筝情II吗？以下是紫韵筝情II的片断：

期待紫韵筝情III 的DVD，盼着2010年紫韵筝情IV。
希望不要再酝酿成林老师的作品音乐会。

此情只待成追忆

2008-05-21T23:31:00.000+08:00

十几年前，北京余震，人心惶惶。当时的我却懵然无知，只差没把邱老师气死。他老人家亦师亦父，不只传授了基本的地震自卫知识，也教育了一些有关台风的防卫常识，深怕我遇到危险还不会保护自己。其他的老师，如黄晓飞老师，也觉得我是个没有危险意识的人。十几年后，依然没什么长进，Prof CWK再三叮咛，无论如何，千万不要一夜醒来一无所有……现在的汶川就几乎是一无所有。

《哀歌》—— 何小竹

成千上万的哀鸣
归于寂静

天象不可测
汶川之上的月亮
仍然是一个问号

余震绵延至成都
悲哀波及半个地球
凝固成冰的眼泪
让烛光去融化

孩子们，坐上蒲公英
排队到天国

三十多年来生为潮州人的我没学会讲或听多少潮州话。但，却听得懂四川话。只因为四川是邱老师的家乡，一个思念了十多年都没去成的梦乡。虽然老师去世已十年有余，我还是记得他的乡音。有些事情或许会随着时间而淡忘，有些伤痛却是日久越深。转载以下故事，让这个感伤的时节，增添更多的眼泪与爱：

母舍身救女手机留遗言
「要记住我爱你」 2008年5月17日

【明报专讯】互联网上日前流传一段「短讯遗言」的故事，抢救人员在一片废墟下发现一具女尸，被塌下的房屋压住，身体保持双腿跪地、双手撑地的姿势。救援人员摸到她已无气息，又向废墟内高声询问，没有得到任何回应。救援队员正准备撤离，但救援队长忽然察觉有异，再次把手探进女人怀中，高声喊：「有人！有个孩子，还活着。」经过一番努力，救援人员将压在她身上的重物移去，发现她身体下面躺着一名约三四个月大的婴儿，包在一张红底黄花的被褥中，不仅毫发未伤，而且被救援人员抱出来的时候正在熟睡。随行的医生解开被子做例行检查，发现有一部手机塞在被子里，医生看了手机，发现屏幕上是一条已经写好的短讯：「亲爱的宝贝，如果你能活着，一定要记住我爱你。」这条短讯在救援队伍中传阅，令看惯了生离死别的救援人员都不禁落泪。

代求

2008-05-18T23:53:00.011+08:00

今主日

大堂背的金句：
雅各书 5：16 所以你们要彼此认罪，互相代求，使你们可以得医治。义人祈祷所发出的力量是大有功效的。
以弗所书 6：18 靠着圣灵,随时多方祷告祈求；并要在此儆醒不倦，为众圣徒祈求。

大堂听的证道：
路加福音 11：5-13 《情词迫切的祷告》

儿童主日学教导：
路加福音 18：1-8 《祷告不灰心》任何困难都可带到天父面前，神垂听祷告。

成人主日学学习：
帖撒罗尼迦后书 3：3-5 《主的信实与人的信心》

崇拜唱的诗歌：

"今晚十点半，是中国各地基督徒的祷告时间，其省为四川成都汶川发生大地震献上祷告，求神怜悯救援灾区百姓，请发十条短讯给你熟悉的弟兄姐妹同时祈祷。"

近日连续收到这则讯息。最少的一则，有时同一天里会收到许多。另外，团契的团长也转发了教会牧师的简讯："汶川羌族同工发来的紧急代祷信：成都各大医院住满了病人，需传福音及看护无亲人的病人。求庄稼的主打发工人去收割！Pls pray. "

祷告不只是为着自己的需要，更要先看到别人的需要，为所爱的并不爱的甚至仇敌代祷祈求。愿主垂听我们的祷告。容我们的呼求达到你的面前；赐我有力量做人，紧随恩主。因着你的信实，你必坚固与保护我们到永远。

轻松生活

2008-05-18T21:32:00.003+08:00

今天做了什么? Looks like I am starting to enjoy life：

8.00am
主日崇拜、儿童主日学领唱

10.15am
成人主日学（上课）

11.30am
特别祷告会

12.30am
聚餐

2.00-6.00pm
Luxury (half body massage, tummy massage, foot reflexology, facial & fish foot spa)

from 7.00pm onwards
Relax ......

芬芳的百合

2008-05-15T23:48:00.017+08:00

每场婚礼都令人感动非常。

两个不同的人，从认识到相知、相爱、相惜 ……
携手共守永恒的誓约是幸福的未来。

明天的你一定会比今天美丽!

Bye Bye ~ Bikram Yoga

2008-05-13T23:18:00.010+08:00

Thanks to be given to God for providing me with many kind and caring friends, who suggested that I should take up a new hobby… out of curiosity and with the mini break from schools, I had my first and last of bikram yoga today. It seems normal for first timers to feel nausea, dizzy and numbness … although 'miracles' may happen after the first few lessons, this sport is too time consuming, plus strenuous on my wallet.

I guess I’ll stick to my usual walking or jogging. And, enjoy swimming whenever Mr. XL Lin (my brother) is available to coach me … or cycling if I can overcome my phobia of crashing ever since my accident of rolling down the slope during my first and only skate scooter ride … then, FL won’t get the opportunity to see me makeup-less again. Her joke of the day: 现在四川大地震，不需要去中国，也可以看到熊猫。

At least, I’m priceless in her eyes ...

Remembering Mothers' Day 2008

2008-05-12T23:50:00.002+08:00

For the love my mother has for me, who does not pamper me and has been ultra strict.

In 2008:
1. $ gift for her to spend on anything she likes, because I'm not her. I will never know what she really wants.

2. Flowers, a traditional yet lovely gift, to show my appreciation.

3. Cooking something for the family which I really care ... fried mixed vegetables with crispy toppings. Although her comments on my method of cooking is a bit ... in addition, my brother found the crispy part rather redundant, we had enjoyed ourselves ;-)

You have a right to ...

2008-05-09T08:39:00.005+08:00

I do have a right to reduce my stress and relax, I guess. But, the effects of the reduction will be burderned among others ... I think.

Adapted from The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook, 2nd ed., by Davis, Eshelman and MacKay: Mistaken Traditional Assumptions vs Your Legitimate Rights

Mistaken Traditional Assumptions

1. It is selfish to put your needs before others’ needs.

2. It is shameful to make mistakes. You should have an appropriate response for every occasion.
3. If you can’t convince others that your feelings are reasonable, then your feelings must be wrong.
4. You should respect the views of others, especially if they are in a position of authority. Keep your differences of opinion to yourself. Listen and learn.
5. You should always try to be logical and consistent.

6. You should be flexible and adjust. Others have good reasons for their actions and it’s not polite to question them.
7. You should never interrupt people. Asking questions reveals your stupidity to others.
8. Things could get even worse, don’t rock the boat.
9. You shouldn’t take up others’ valuable time with your problems.
10. People don’t want to hear that you feel bad, so keep it to yourself.
11. When someone takes the time to give you advice, you should take it seriously. They are often right.
12. Knowing that you did something well is its own reward. People don’t like show-offs. Successful people are secretly disliked and envied. Be modest when complimented.
13. You should always try to accommodate others. If you don’t, they won’t be there when you need them.
14. Don’t be anti-social. People are going to think you don’t like them if you say you’d rather be alone instead of with them.
15. You should always have a good reason for what you feel and do.
16. When someone is in trouble, you should always help them.
17. You should be sensitive to the needs and wishes of others, even when they are unable to tell you what they want.
18. It’s not nice to put people off. If questioned, give an answer.

Your Legitimate Rights
1. You have a right to put yourself first, sometimes.
2. You have a right to make mistakes.
3. You have a right to be the final judge of your feelings and accept them as legitimate
4. You have a right to have your own opinions and convictions.
5. You have a right to change your mind or decide on a different course of action.
6. You have a right to protest any treatment or criticism that feels bad to you.
7. You have a right to interrupt in order to ask for clarification.
8. You have a right to negotiate for change.
9. You have a right to ask for help or emotional support.
10. You have a right to feel and express pain.
11. You have a right to ignore the advice of others.
12. You have a right to receive recognition for your work and achievements.
13. You have a right to say no.
14. You have a right to be alone, even if others would prefer your company.
15. You have a right not to have to justify yourself to others.
16. You have a right not to take responsibility for someone else’s problem.
17. You have a right not to have to anticipate others’ needs and wishes.
18. You have a right to choose not to respond to a situation.

Counting Our Blessings

2008-05-07T22:54:00.002+08:00

上帝早已把当行的道指示给人，

无奈的是，人还是以科学知识来印证。

http://scienceblogs.com/cognitivedaily/2008/04/does_counting_your_blessings_r.php

Ugly can be beautiful

2008-05-05T23:03:00.006+08:00

Saw this meaningful phrase in some random readings: http://www.10e20.com/blog/2007/07/27/21-ways-to-shoot-better-photographs/

When you cannot forget, you will remember regardless of Ugly or Beautiful, with or without any photographs ... http://www.marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolution/2008/05/when-should-you.html

and some interesting images from around the world
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/7383922.stm

......"Ugly can be beautiful" is just like "counting trials as joy"......

We are one BIG Happy Family

2008-05-04T18:36:00.007+08:00

I never dreamt that NYGZ will one day grow to a size of 63 members.

When I took over it in 2002 (as if like a step-parent),

there is only 2 sec4s

1 miserable sec3

few challenging sec2s

not many sec1s

I love this picture which my students took yesterday.

Unfortunately, I was not inside.

We will take a 全家福
(with Mdm Lim PP, Ms Tay, Mr Tan, Mrs Ee, Mrs Teo

+ as many OLD NYGZ girls as possible, I hope)
on our 10th May NYGZ Concert!

Resting on Sunday

2008-05-04T17:54:00.004+08:00

Resting on Sunday is a normal routine for most people. However, it's a difficult task for me. Maybe, Sunday was my only working day in 1998 ... used to teach at Hwa Chong Alumni then with very few classes only. The rest of the week I played the role of a Singapore maid at home. Occupied and enjoyed myself with cleaning the house, cooking etc plus practising guzheng and preparing teaching materials. As the days past, work begins to pile up ... although the teaching at Hwa Chong Alumni ended, work at NUS CFA started in 3 weeks time. I was glad to start work at CFA. The three workless sundays were so unbearable ... weird emotions that I could not explain ...

This is my first FREE sunday after so many years and I will have more free sundays to endure ... But, I am sure my GOD will grant me the strength and wisdom to spend his day in peace ...

One thing for certain, I will have time to blog AGAIN!

世界的大小?

2007-11-09T20:58:00.000+08:00

这个问题的答案只有自己才会知道。

活在自己的世界里的人，就算到了外面还是离不开。

站在外面的人，其实可以看得很开。

Reminiscing

2007-10-31T02:17:00.000+08:00

忆故人

2007-10-24T21:29:00.000+08:00

纪念邱大成老师逝世十周年古筝音乐会

Guzheng Concert In Memory of the Late Professor Qiu Da Cheng

日期: 2/12/07 (星期日)
时间: 7:30pm
地点: Singapore Conference Hall
票价: $15、名誉券

售票处：

Eason Enterprise 艺声企业 62947522
D'oritale Enterprise 敦煌音乐与乐器企业 64796558
Karl Heng Enterprise 嘉兴企业 63391787

邱大成老师是著名古筝教育家及演奏家，为古筝事业上作出巨大贡献。他栽培了无数古筝专业学生，其中不乏新加坡的古筝教育家及演奏家。邱教授也曾在本地的三场古筝音乐会中呈现多首独奏与协奏曲，深获好评。此次音乐会将邀请中国音乐学院的邱霁讲师、香港演奏家邬立珊先生、马来西亚的林佩佩老师，以及本地多位古筝演奏家及教育家，包括了岑海姗、陈慧兰、谭春文、尹群、林珠莉与刘燕（琵琶）。南洋女中古筝团亦将参与演出。曲目有：闹春、赶场、建昌月、广陵散序、、洱海夜色、孔雀东南飞、山魅、春江花月夜，抒情幻想曲、旱天雷和忆故人。

Entertaining Myself

2007-10-03T02:04:00.000+08:00

Articles which I've enjoyed reading.

http://scienceblogs.com/cognitivedaily/2007/10/is_are_data_singular.php

http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/004981.html

When Happiness Overflows

2007-08-23T19:30:00.000+08:00

~ My convocation photographs on 23rd July 2007 (Monday).

第一次请病假 @ CFA

2007-08-05T22:42:00.000+08:00

I had to cancel today's lessons. I was voiceless yesterday afternoon, by now I am still like that. I really miss my beautiful voice. Let's pray that it'll come back tomorrow.

I should HAVE

2007-07-03T23:58:00.000+08:00

1. Gone to NH primary school this noon. The teacher-in-charge, however, insisted to let the children practise by themselves. Self-practice is definitely better than no practice. Well, I seriously doubt its efficiency.

2. Support their performance tonight. There were only four performers and nothing for me to do, in that I would not be conducting, nor tuning etc. Perhaps, they thought that I am a witch. Unfortunately, I will never become one. Like I always say, if a car 漏油, no matter how much 油you 加, it will not go far.

3. Watch another concert at SCH tonight. But, somehow, I just could not find my interest in it. Instead, I enjoyed myself watching the 'more than meets the eye' movie, Transformers, with my brother primarily because it was my brother’s favorite cartoon and toy in his childhood days. Much more fascinating, interesting, and exciting compared to the concert, I think.

4. Left the note (telling my mother that I went for a movie with my brother) in the house. Instead, stupidly I left it on our door. Luckily, no uninvited guest came.

5. Prepared the scores, read the materials, and ...... Seems like, I will have to pay the price now.

上个星期五的potluck

2007-06-29T23:53:00.000+08:00

上个星期五的午餐和学生们在她们学校potluck。学生们带了许多食品，有: Beehoon, Fried Rice, Chicken Wing, Lontong, Sausages, Nugget, Otah, Fishball, Mash Potatoe, Seaweed Chicken, Cream Puff, Almond Jelly, Chocolate, Ou Fen, Cornflakes, Brownies, Packet Drinks, Agar Agar, Tomato/Chilli Sauce, Savoury Tart, Potatoe Chips & a lot of unexpected food. But as expected, 年龄和厨艺没有太大的关系，她们的努力让大家都吃得津津有味。尤其喜爱中一做的Cornflakes。

但是，我也不免唠叨了多两句。全都是些高蛋白和碳水化合物的食品，唯有Lontong可看到一些蔬菜，真是让人担心。前些日子，听闻某位华乐界前辈得了癌症。FL警告我们说他的病是不吃菜所引起的；QF则说他不吃肉。太恐怖了，原来他不吃肉也不吃菜。无论如何，肯定不能用“营养均衡”来形容上个星期五的potluck。

我本来要炒个素菜的，但是母亲极力反对。她觉得小朋友不会欣赏，而且一餐少吃点菜也无大恙。最后，我做的是水果Appetizer：红苹果(2个)，青苹果(2个)，日本小黄瓜(2条)，沙葛(半个)，切片后浸泡在苹果醋和桂花陈酒里。果然不出母亲，虽然小朋友们最终还是吃完了，但是竟然有许多同学没看到。我想应该是选择性没看到。

母亲说我溺爱她们，五一才请她们吃饭这么快又带东西去喂她们。可是，她比我更厉害，用两天的时间做55粒茶叶蛋，一天浸泡在水里，另一天烧了3kg的火炭、一只鸡、和不知道多少茶叶、香料和当归。当然，她的努力是不会白费的。

The potluck is fun. But, as expected, we had lots of leftovers due our greediness. ;p

舍得

2007-06-28T23:56:00.000+08:00

除了面条之外，我还有一样食品十年未曾入口，就是西瓜。面条是吃不着，西瓜却是吃不得。十年前北京的夏天特别炎热，而西瓜则是解暑的普遍选择。然而，我体质与常人不同。刚开始小口少量的西瓜，鼻血还是点滴流下。越想止血就越吃越多。结果，半个西瓜下肚就酿成了惨祸，鼻血如瀑布急流不止，3pm流一碗3am还要流一碗。可惜血小板的质量有问题，我的血液不易凝固不可以献，白白糟蹋了这么多血。整个夏天不知道流掉了多少。后来中医说是西瓜引起的虚火，就决定把西瓜戒了。自己也想不到可以坚持这么久。母亲就没我这般的毅力，经常诱惑地说：“医师只说永远不可以吃，没有说不可以偷吃。”

麻辣的乐趣

2007-06-27T01:32:00.000+08:00

虽然学校假期已过，但是我今天还是休假。校方停止课外活动是常有的事，而我下厨做饭就不多了。今天难得有优质的花椒，做的是川菜：水煮肉片与面条。结果，除了我之外，母亲吃不饱，父亲投诉太辣，弟弟嫌太麻。

说实在的，这又麻又辣的滋味确实不是太容易欣赏。记得初到北京时，台湾籍的学姐YZ吓我，把水煮肉形容得真够恐怖：一入口就会全嘴麻痹，接下来吃什么都不识其味。还好有心理准备，我对水煮肉的第一印象还不算太坏。后来时间长了，自然就接受了，久不吃还会想念。只是，想水煮肉的时候还没有面条多。水煮肉偶尔还能吃到，但吃面条一隔就是十年。

这个面条不难做，就是材料不容易配齐。主料用的肉末除了花椒还需要加入宜宾芽菜番炒。做面条的功夫是师母徐老师授的。同学们都是一个星期上两节主课，我却是8am报道，上到中午就在老师家吃面条。面是很好吃，但是邱老师一定要校正我拿筷子的方法，吃起来很痛苦，等到老师吃饱离开方桌时，我一口都还没吃上。还好他吃饭的速度超快。

其实，师母不喜欢做饭，只是老师不喜欢在外用餐。他到了周末还把我们聚集在“家”里吃饭。因为不是客人，我们很早就去帮忙切、洗……等，也就是打杂。老师喜欢吃的师母都教着我们做。记得有一回师母到外地出差，我还在他们家做过饭。

师母身体一向不太好。然而，老师除了血压偏高之外，身体好的很，谁也没料到老师会这么早去世。辜负了师母的一番苦心。自从老师去世后，我就再也没吃过师母做的面条了。事隔十年，我也记不清楚到底是先炒肉末还是先炒芽菜。但是，我对今天的面条还是很满意的。因为是自己做的……

没良心的我

2007-06-25T23:57:00.000+08:00

今天是LZ姐的生日。端午节时小姨包的粽子还留了两个给她，本来想今天为她庆生时顺便给她，结果联络不上她，只好继续收在冰箱里。

几个星期前我就开始在找LZ。只是，学校假期她一般上会“去”中国探亲（不是“回”因为她已经是新加坡公民了），很难找到她。后来听说她的父亲逝世。心里不免难过，原想写点东西就是挤不出字来。一番搜艘之后，发现了逝世公告一则和LZ的学生写的悼文一篇。

严格说来，LZ的父亲也是我的古筝老师之一。只是学习的时间太短。其实我也只学了一首《象弄牙》，而上课的情境与传统的师徒和口传心授法也不太相同。因此我从来就没有把他的名号列入我的简历里，恐怕弹得不好有辱师门。当然老先生的弟子太多也不差我一个，他老人家也不介意我这么做。印象中他的国画也画得很好，尤其喜爱画鸡。LZ姐家挂的都是他的墨宝。

想来惭愧，我对老师的印象仅此而已。死者已矣，只好等LZ姐回来才去慰问她。

我是不是可以不清不楚地过日子

2007-06-25T01:42:00.000+08:00

饭还是自家的香。因为不需要为吃什么而烦恼，所以日子可以过得很舒服。当然母亲的厨艺还是不错的。因此，一般上我都避免在外用餐。今天午饭后我就开始发愁，因为晚饭必须在外解决。

学生们好意给了不少意见。但，选择多了烦恼自然更多。最后，我莫名其妙地接受M & A 的提议“生面”，边吃边思索着为什她们会如此喜爱它。可能是自己想多了，又或许是不够用心在味觉上，面吃完了还是没有答案。

其实，没有答案何尝不是答案的一种。

最后的一次机会

2007-06-20T23:49:00.000+08:00

已经数不清楚了，也不知道和YH谈了多少次。或许是因为时间短，再加上人数少的缘故，去年YH上初级班时还算“正常”。但自从YH参加合奏课后，我和负责老师们就开始头痛。

还好学古筝的男生不多，我教的另外一间小学是女子学校，唯一的一间中学也教的是女校，而会学古筝的男生到了初级学院基本上就不会做怪了（JW除外，可是他属于开心果型和YH的恶作剧型差别还是很大的）。其实我真的不了解男生。而我最熟的（当然是弟弟）是超乖型，小学时代是女生们心目中的白马王子、老师们与家长们的天使：穿了一个星期的校鞋还比我穿了一天还白；上课的时候保持直立的坐姿，不然衣服会皱；除了体育课外，不会在学校乱跑，因为老师说不可以；功课就不用说了，完美主义者要求的是尽善尽美，没有满分才怪。所以，无形中我教的小男生们怎么看都没我弟弟可爱。

不可爱也就这样了，YH上课不专心也还可以加以控制，就是他爱好捕捉小动物的癖好没办法忍受。休息5分钟不是抓鱼，就是蛤蟆、蝌蚪、壁虎等。有一次还去抓蛇。最离谱的是他竟然和蛤蟆亲嘴，可惜不是童话故事他的它始终没有变成公主。他抓他的本来也还相安无事，不知道是炫耀还是恶作剧，扁扁他又喜欢拿给女同学们看，还放蛤蟆在古筝室乱跳。各位试想象，我那一大帮的娘子军哪里受得了这般折磨，尖叫声震耳响遍全校。庆幸的是，老娘我对没有毛的动物没恐惧症，镇压得住。

今天我们又对他进行了辅导，告诉他这不是科学课，应该怎样与不应该怎样……最后，我们又再给了他“最后的一次机会”。不知道是不是自己骗自己，每次我都心太软，告诉自己他其实是有进步的，就是缓慢了一些，应该再给他一个机会。机会是给了，就不知道他会不会珍惜。

My Little Experiment

2007-06-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

Two of my students were absent today. Thus, there was a long one and a half hr of break. While waiting for the next one to come, I decided to conduct a small experiment to find out how long apple can maintain its natural white colour after being cut. Mum was kind to donate 2 of her apples (green and red). However, not long after she saw me cutting her apples into very thin slices, she started to nag. To her, it is a waste to use the whole apple for such childishness. Her experience tells us that the sliced-apple if soaked in salt-water can last for ~ 4 hr before it changes colour. But my main concerns are: how long could the sliced-apple maintain its colour in X solution; and how tasty it is or can be.

Is my experiment successful? My guinea pigs will have their answer on Friday.

年中最后一天的假期

2007-06-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

今天我足足休息了五天，自可惜大多数时间都在生病、睡觉……假期的最后一天，总得带母亲出去逛逛。思前想后，午饭后我们还是决定去弟弟的家运动，到傍晚时分才回来，渡过了非常有意义的一天。希望某人回国后不会骂我。　

后絮

2007-06-14T23:35:00.000+08:00

今天一天过得战战兢兢，时不时就推开房门偷看，就连进去拿一点东西也像贼似的。等了一天，它还是没有现身。双亲一再地告诉我他们已经仔细检查过了，“应该”不会是晕死在卧房的某个角落。但，没有亲眼目睹它的离去，所以始终难以释怀。为了安全起见，我今晚还是继续留守在弟弟的房里。还好弟弟出国度假可以肆无忌惮地长期征用他的房间。

惊魂记

2007-06-13T23:32:00.000+08:00

今早，母亲8点不到就把我从床上揪起来吃药。吃了药后，我迷迷糊糊地到了弟弟的房里继续睡。中午母亲喊我起来吃饭，回自己房拿点东西时，门稍推开脚还没踏进去，只见到一只东西在房内飞，还没看清楚，我就尖叫起来。不知道是我怕它、还是它吓我，不停地在高空横冲直闯地飞行着，吓得我立刻关上房门找母亲求救。母亲以为我还在做梦。接下来又是一阵骚动。父亲也加入了拯救的队伍。从头到尾，我就知道躲在厨房，他们怎么样把它弄出去的我实在不敢看。

别看我高头大马的，但是胆子奇小，对任何毛茸茸的动物都有恐惧感。父母都稀奇我怎么能在北京独自生活五年。他们不晓得，当年的北京不流行饲养宠物，更何况任何可以吃的东西北京人都不会放过。想当年我第一次在市场见到炸麻雀时几乎晕倒，所以整个夏天不关闭窗户也不会有鸟类飞进来。似乎除了人之外，北京的大街上就几乎见不到有毛的动物了。

我们开始猜测它是如何又是何时进来的。母亲说是昨日从我卧房的窗户掉进来的，怪我昨天下午开窗户通风。但是，窗帘是合着的，而且如果它昨日就进来了，我岂不是和它共处了一晚，恐怖！依我看，它是今早才从大门穿过客厅风进来的。可是它为什么偏偏选中我的房间呢？吓得我不敢自己一个人在房内，强迫母亲和我做伴。大约过了四个小时，我们突然听到可怕的声音，不知从何处又来了只。接下来我尖叫不绝，好不容易乘它停下来时，就奔出房。折腾了几个小时，能够做的都做了，非得亲眼见它离开，结果我们还是不清楚它是飞走了还是躲了起来。但是肯定的是，我绝对不要留在我的房里，只好躲在弟弟的房间里过夜，等天亮后再想法子。现在唯有希望它明天自动现身。如果明天它不出现更惨，没准已经死在某个角落了。看来今晚要做噩梦了！

又来了

2007-06-12T00:22:00.000+08:00

我已经很努力了。上个星期生病，努力吃药、睡觉和喝水。喝的不是菊花菜，就是薏米水或杂凉等降火的饮料。好不容易上星期四和五稍好了一些，但从上星期六开始，耳痛又开始折腾我。不同的是，这回轮到了右耳。所以，星期日不得已旷成人主日学的课，在教会附近的诊所看了病。

上回是懒惰，所以就近在家附随便看的。这回的刘医生当然是仔细多了，不只看耳朵，量体温，还检查血压。说来惭愧，本人一直就处于低压状态，长年犹如活在云雾之中，所以每日必饮咖啡以缓此症。还好同学们谅解不嫌弃咖啡味熏染的教室。由于晕的厉害，我不敢离开课室，还不时劳驾他们帮忙冲泡。所以刘医生的检验还和上次见她一样90/60。结果，这回又领了五日的抗生素和止痛药。药的体积是上回的三倍，但还好价钱是上回的两倍多一点。

说荔枝是罪魁祸首似乎有一点……从头到尾，其实我只吃了十粒，分几天吃，也不算多。或许我的体制和常人不同。以防万一，看来我还是把它也戒了吧。

Interesting Blogs

2007-06-06T23:51:00.000+08:00

http://dhsco-guzheng.blogspot.com/

http://phsguzheng.blogspot.com/

http://skycogz.blogspot.com/

http://xmguzheng.blogspot.com/

It's a pity that they are all in 冬眠 mode.

寻找希望

2007-06-03T22:03:00.000+08:00

一闪一闪亮晶晶
满天都是小星星

挂在天上放光明

好像一个小眼睛

一闪一闪亮晶晶

满天都是小星星

~ 在不知不觉中，被遗忘。

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky!
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!

When the blazing sun is gone,
When he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!

Then the traveler in the dark,
Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He could not see which way to go,
If you did not twinkle so.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!

In the dark blue sky you keep,
And often through my curtains peep,
For you never shut your eye,
Till the sun is in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!

As your bright and tiny spark,
Lights the traveller in the dark,—
Though I know not what you are,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!

~ The Star by Jane Taylor, 1806

难耐

2007-06-02T23:07:00.000+08:00

我不算是一个勇敢的人，但面对病痛时还蛮坚强的，唯独耳朵的疼痛实在是要命。从星期四午夜后，左耳朵就如针刺般的痛，就连止痛药业失去了功效。星期五没机会休息，工作一阵天，无奈地加重耳朵的负担。好不容易撑到晚上才有时间去看病。

医生诊断的结果竟然是左耳没事，反倒是右耳有洞，虽然长好了但是和正常的耳朵不太一样。耳痛是喉咙发炎的错觉，给了我5天的抗生素和一些止痛药。我心想：自己明明是耳朵痛不是喉咙痛，但是既然看了病就只能将就着那些药吃，反正抗生素应该是不会认准喉咙的部位杀菌吧。至于止痛药嘛，威力不怎么样，还有待提升。最后还是靠母亲捐赠的止痛药挨过今天。母亲的止痛药是上个月回医院复诊时医生开给她的，共120颗，每天省着点吃，疼痛难忍时只在晚上吃两颗。今天母亲还真大方，一口气就送了我8颗，但现在只剩下4颗了，希望明天不会不够用。

Interesting Videos

2007-05-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

以下是这几日不务正业在网上浏览的成果。Enjoy！

Hwa Chong Institution String Orchestra

Catholic JC Guitar Ensemble

CHIJ St. Nicholas Girls’ School Choir

Xinmin Secondary School Guzheng Ensemble

Symphony of Praise Amazing Grace

Overcoming Myself

2007-05-16T23:48:00.000+08:00

Thanks to my mother’s wondrous flu medicine, I went to bed at 9pm last night and woke up at 11am this morning. I am fighting to keep myself awake now, repeating 菊花台’s mp3, and staring at my blank score sheets ……

你的泪光柔弱中带伤
惨白的月儿弯弯勾住过往
夜太漫长凝结成了霜
是谁在阁楼上冰冷地绝望
雨轻轻叹朱红色的窗
我依身在纸上被风吹乱
梦在远方化成一缕香
随风飘散你的模样
菊花灿烂地烧你的笑容已泛黄
花落人断肠我心事静静躺
被风乱也微摇
你的影子剪不断
独留我孤单在湖面神伤
花已伤完飘落了灿烂
凋谢的市道上冥冥不堪
手摸独樵愁心拆两半
怕你上不了岸一辈子摇晃
谁的江山马蹄声慌乱
我一身的戎装呼啸沧桑
天微微亮你轻声的叹
一夜惆怅如此委婉
菊花灿烂地烧你的笑容已泛黄
花落人断肠我心事静静躺
被风乱也微摇
你的影子剪不断
独留我孤单在湖面神伤

曲子的旋律很美，mp3的伴奏里还出现了古筝；歌词也很古雅，只可惜我看不太懂。‘花落人断肠’的凄美，让我想起了黄城时代老师解释 “帘卷西风，人比黄花瘦”的情景……不可以再想了。为了我可爱的宝贝们，明天最少要编完半首古筝合奏版的《菊花台》。

Bye Bye 了，我的假期

2007-05-08T23:42:00.000+08:00

休假时除了打扫房子，最有意思的是做饭。平时忙碌的生活，加上母亲害怕我切到手指和弟弟精湛的厨艺，我难得有机会下厨。今天的晚餐有萝卜汤、韩式泡菜炒鱼、什锦玉子豆腐以及香菇枸杞乃白菜。除了萝卜汤是母亲做的之外，其余三道都是我独立完成的。虽然我的厨艺不怎么样，大家还是吃得很愉快。

看电视是另外一项奢侈的休闲活动。终于看完了向LZ姐姐借的古筝DVD，剩下去年LN借给我的一套《大长今》还原封不动地藏在橱柜里。

早上很想去看JC Choir SYF，但是高烧不退，只好留在家里逼自己睡觉。这阵子退烧药吃得特别频密。SYF以前忙到不能生病，SYF以后就被病菌打垮了。其实，辛苦了这么久，不论成绩如何，学生们有post SYF blues，老师也有post SYF Syndromes。

每年过完华人新年后，我就会以SYF为生活的中心，积极地预备学生。一旦进入这种状态，我就不会做/想别的事以防干扰，也会以德士为交通工具。SYF后就惨了。上个星期天工作完后，我原本应该省钱坐巴士和地铁回家，但是一辆德士经过，抵挡不住诱惑，终究还是挥了挥手。就这样，十几块钱没了。更糟糕的是，累积了一大堆的事就是提不起劲去做。

总不能一直逃避现实，待在家里沉醉在扮演“抹地板妹”的日子里，是时候面对摆在眼前的这堆困难了。

恢复宁静以后

2007-05-01T23:54:00.000+08:00

终于挨过了SYF，接下来两周是小学年中大考，可以尽情地休假。朋友们问我要如何享受这两周的假期。令他们吃惊的是，我很理所当然地回答：“house cleaning”。小休了几天后，把上个星期六早上的时间留给了自己已经杂乱不堪的房间，中午抹了整个家的地板，下午上课，傍晚乘空档清洗玻璃窗后还抹了多一次地板。星期日一早就开始发烧，吃了药后就迷迷糊糊地，可是还是硬撑着把星期六没清理干净的洗干净。结果，直到昨天下午高烧才退。

认识我的人都觉得我有洁癖。到目前为止，最高纪录是在24hr 里抹了3次地。一般人是在白天强调卫生工作，我却非得在临睡前将房间收拾整齐后才可以安心入眠。幸好，我一忙起来就会关一只眼，假装看不到，卷铺盖到母亲房里挤着睡。所以，我从来不觉得自己有洁癖。

要坦诚地面对并接受自己是一件不容易的事，每个人面对自己的方式也不同。LZ姐姐就愤慨地说自己，“死得不清不楚！”；我就不会有这样的想法，每次都死得很清楚。两年前学生自我感觉很好，但是没有拿到预期的奖项，结果我告诉他们其实我们还不够好。去年，两间小学在有限的条件下还得了金奖，我告诉同学们那是仁慈的上帝给的。今年的成绩虽然很好，但是还是有一些不尽人意之处。作为一位指挥，我必须很了解我的乐队与每一位成员，所有在舞台上出现了的瑕疵也都在我的预知范围内。我所能做的是在有限的条件下避免、遮盖或缩小这些的不完美。我的决定不一定会让演奏完美，但是肯定是最好的选择。因此，你们的错误是我的责任。所以，同学们不必为自己的错误演奏耿耿于怀，如果换一位同学来奏，效果肯定会更差。

其实，不论我们有多努力，每次的演出都免不了有瑕疵。而这些的不完美就成为下一次冲刺的原动力。冲刺的前提当然是休息。除了睡觉、打扫房子外最重要的四大补品是“吃、喝、玩、乐”。今天中午的慰劳会有：

1. THAI PINEAPPLE RICE
2. BUTTER & PEPPER PRAWN
3. SOTONG SATAY NONYA STYLE
4. LUXURY CHICKEN ROLL
5. SWEET & SOUR FISH
6. BRAISSED EGG TOFU WITH SHRIMP MAIZE
7. WHITE CABBAGE WITH BLACK FUNGUS & TUNG HOON
8. DEEP FRIED SPRING ROLL
9. WHITE FUNGUS WITH LONGAN, RED DATE & LOTUS SEED
10. FRUIT PUNCH

有来的人应该很幸福，被喂得饱饱；没有来的人就吃大亏了。

ps: 看来大家都很了解我，送的礼物我都非常喜欢。谢谢！

Beyond Price

2007-04-27T23:54:00.000+08:00

I was overwhelmed by fatigue, physically, mentally, and emotionally. After SYF, I just could not remove myself from my beloved bed. Luckily, I had managed to suspend or cancel some of my lessons. Tears rolled down my individual students’ cheeks when I forced them to rest for 3 weeks, and many thanks to LH for standing-in a few sessions to conduct the practices for my primary schools during my absence. I know that this is not fair to them but I know that if I do not devote myself to NY and NJC this SYF, I will live with regrets.

True enough, when they finished their playing at SCH, I am at peace with myself, contended and happy. They had finally understood the true meaning of music and art; performed their music with passion, emotions, depth, precision, and concentration; to them the award is secondary, they were pleased with their own performance; learned from their mistakes, forgave their teammates’ unintended blunder; matured, showing true sportsmanship, thinking and behaving like musicians.

GOD is kind. Both schools were awarded Gold with Honours. Their efforts were recognized and appreciated. Their performance had proven them worthy of their award. Before SYF, my greatest nightmare is not about them playing horribly, but for them receiving an award that they do not deserve. Even if they had played terribly that day, I will always be proud of them.

用心

2007-04-19T23:37:00.000+08:00

对Blogging 的兴趣产生在去年的这个时期。就因为CCAB 会议中LYF的一句话，让我觉得我必须更深入地了解学生们的心理。学校提供的课外活动时间往往不足，只能用来解决演奏上的部分问题；心理方面的问题，实在是顾不上。

大学时代，我最不能忍受的是主科(古筝)老师严密的监管。他始终坚信全方面地培育学生、强调心理素质的栽培。因此连哪位同学进过我的琴房和我谈了多长他都一清二楚，甚至比我的父亲更严厉、比我更了解我自己。我何尝不了解他。所以，就算厌烦也不敢多吭一声。只是我对老师的了解方式和他不太相同。在艺术方面，我努力地达到他的要求，往往比他预期的效果还好；在生活方面，我也很用心。后来，我比他还清楚他们家东西的摆放。最后，他还没开口我已经知道他要讲什么。

其实，我从小就异常认真地听课，更妙的是有选择性的听我需要的东西。好奇心不强的我，对老师们的私生活没多大兴趣，从不八卦也不去记。除了对课程的重点特别敏感外，我还清楚知道老师喜欢什么样的题型与答题方式。当然，我的预知能力也超强，测中测验题/考试题的概率奇高。所以，不用花太多时间就可以考取不错的成绩。

两年前的现在我很累。那时有三间学校参加SYF。今年我只剩两间学校参加SYF，但是我却更加疲惫。了解的背后是更多的耕耘，付出的时间、心力自然多。当然，我不可能完全了解每一位学生并解决所有的问题。但是，我已经很努力了。只是，同学们又有多了解我呢？指挥棒落下的刹那间，你们真的知道我要是什么吗？

Making the BEST out of the WORST

2007-04-10T00:47:00.000+08:00

There is always too much things to do and to think about. Nowadays, I would not have time to sit down and enjoy any television drama nor have enough sleep. But, I do occasionally catch a glimpse or two while keeping my mother company.

The last time I saw something was a scene in Miracles on Channel 8. A doctor was helping an emotional mother of two daughters to see things from a different perspective. A mother of many children would always think of saving her weakest child in times of danger. When, however, the weakest child has no chance of recovery, should the mother only think of her dying child and not try to save her other child. Killing the dying child in the surgery may be cruel and unbearable, but that was the only way to give her other child an opportunity to live.

I was reminded of the days when I am forced to extract my wisdom tooth. I had four and I just could not bear to part with them. But, according to the doctor, due to the limited amount of space left in my mouth, I will continuously suffer from toothaches. Furthermore, it can never grow out of the gums. Not matter how hard I tried to keep them, they are all gone now.

For most working adults, they only work in a company and a boss to please. As a freelance music instructor, I cannot survive if I had only a boss. Therefore, I have many which could explain why I am so busy. Another reason is my bosses always think that they are my only employer. Honestly speaking, I had limited myself services to as few as possible to produce quality products. Unfortunately, not all my production lines are functioning well. If I cannot fix the problem, it is always best to terminate the problematic ones so that they will not hinder the others; a wise solution but a painful choice. I should be fair to the rest, right?

我不是垃圾

2007-04-09T00:29:00.000+08:00

LZ老师每次都说我笨，哪有学生学不会，老师躲在被窝里哭的。自然是责骂学生，只有学生哭，哪能让学生委屈老师。但是，我命贱，学不会的拚了老命也要教会。所以，活该受气。最要命的，有些连做人都不会的，还要学琴；不只要学琴，还什么都要；困难还没有克服，就去找麻烦；做了很多的事，就是和应该奏的乐曲沾不上边；想了很多，就是没想如何去弹奏、如何使手指的运动弹奏出所追求的音响效果；最可耻的是，早已忘却了音乐是声音的艺术。

其实也没什么必要去委屈自己，更不必浪费宝贵的时间与泪水在一群散漫、不求上进、无药可救的音乐白痴身上。以前我总觉得做兼职不稳定。近日才发觉兼职的好处，可以随时辞职，也可以失踪，就是不出现，谁也奈何不了我。

每次学生SYF的乐曲都是自己编的。连人都不会做的恐怕是奏不好了，还不如及早使用编曲权禁止他们演奏，以免公众以为编作者是垃圾。

I don’t want to be Humpty Dumpty

2007-04-04T00:51:00.000+08:00

Since young, I fall down easily. I have difficulties in balancing myself; to make things worst, my low blood pressure never fails to create a dizzy spell. It is common for me to have one or two fall every month at any time or place. The latest one was outside NJC during the March holidays.

I just cannot help falling down. It is my disease to fight. Facing the fall is my challenge. I do not know when it will happen again. But, I do make sure that it will not happen at the same place. I will not change my route to avoid the place. Instead, I will take a good look at the spot where I have fallen, analysis the geographical environment, and take extra care every time I walk pass there to keep myself in one piece.

Maybe this is why I hate running.

ps: A 卤蛋 will be awarded to each student who understand the moral of this post and practice it.

感动以后

2007-04-02T23:58:00.000+08:00

GZ PLEDGE!!
We, the gz freaks of N-Y-G-Z,
pledge ourselves as loyal,devoted gz fans.
Regardless of batch, group, or committee,
to build a bonded ensemble,
based on yin1 zhun3, gan3 qing2, and qi2-ness
so as to achieve gold with honours, applause and HARMONY!!!
GO NYGZ !!

- Written by:
The Rs ((:

Two of my sec 2 girls posted this on their team-blog on 28th March 2007. Majority of the rest felt that it is cute; tong suggested reciting the pledge after greeting me; zp applauded the idea and added that “Singapore create national identity, we create CCA identity.”

I was very touched when I first saw it. My girls are more diligence, discipline and motivated than I had ever hoped for. Each is giving her best to the team, making a difference in each practice, and slowly overcoming our obstacles.

I wish I could like this pledge. I love their “based on yin1 zhun3, gan3 qing2, and qi2-ness”. However, will these elements be enough? What other fundamentals of music are required?

I admire their courage and their determination to succeed. However, should Gold with Honours be our ultimate goal? Should we play guzheng just for an award or for the Art? Why are we doing all these? At the end of the day, where will “We” be after SYF?

Forever my STARS

2007-03-26T23:58:00.001+08:00

You are the STARS on 24th March 2007.

曾经，这只是几个人的梦想，不知何时变成了我们的理想。
为了这一天，我们努力。
辛酸与欢笑伴随着我们。
终于完成了......

今年初，一位同事告诉我她不舍得骂她的级任班，我一脸惊讶。
接下来的短短几个月里，你们让我明白了心疼的道理。
不到万不得已，我实在不原意责备你们。
因为，过后我会很难过。

Thank you so much for realizing our dreams.
We have a difficult month ahead.
Let's continue to work harder for our goal.

Nonsense of the Year

2007-03-19T23:41:00.000+08:00

This is a sample of the readings that I am forced to do nowadays.

Simply irritating!

I just want to be Happy

2007-03-15T23:26:00.001+08:00

Some people can never be punctual.
“Punctuality” means to be ready on time. I hate having latecomers, untuned instruments, missing people who are filling their water bottles or still in the washroom...... Why I am facing these? Maybe, I am too kind.

Some people can never improve.
“Improve” means getting better. However, the playing is getting from bad to worst. I patiently explained, corrected the mistake/flaw. Eventually, nothing happened. Why? The only reason I could think of is “欠骂”.

Some people can never be too hardworking.
SYF is just close at hand, I simply cannot understand the needs of having a three-day camp to play, not the guzheng but games most of the time, to bond with each other. If you cannot play the instrument properly, not matter how bonded you are in relationship, it is going to be a disaster. Maybe, I should withdraw myself from this catastrophe.

If I foresee a failure, why should I waste my time and energy to continue? If I unleash myself, I should be able to smile.

给自己的一份礼物

2007-03-08T23:24:00.000+08:00

孩子都是父母的掌上明珠。我也不例外。除了上小学时，母亲坚持要我们学习做家务，自己烫校服之外，我再也没用过熨斗。中学时代，有忙碌为借口。大学时代，虽然是留学在外，但是上帝特别眷顾我，每次拿起烫斗都会惹人怜，不是宿舍的服务员帮我烫，就是仪姐姐救我。这次，母亲受了重伤，我深知自己吃不了苦，一开始就嚷着要聘请全职女佣，但是被家人一致性否决了。我不死心，想要找兼职女佣帮忙。父亲虽然不同意，也还很乐意帮忙，就是我对他的技术没有信心，直觉告诉我：他不是烫不直，就是烫破。所以，迫不得已唯有自己烫。

但是，我真的很忙。这个年头，有谁会不忙。再加上我们家的熨斗不肯合作，没烫几下就漏水，衣服烫了大半天也不直。这种日子真的很凄惨。前天，我终于忍不住，卖了一个新的熨斗，是架子上最新的型号，当然也是最贵的。

新的熨斗当然好用多了。可是，我还是觉得自己很惨，用了很长的时间，烫很少件衣服，还不够直，就是少了一份满足/成就感。追根究底，我对烫衣服始终产生不了好感。

Fallen Princess

2007-03-01T00:50:00.000+08:00

It has been two weeks since that terrible accident. My mother fell from her chair while cleaning the tiles in the kitchen. Unfortunately, nobody was home. Persuading her to go to a hospital was not easy. By the time, an ambulance came, it was 12 midnight. The diagnosis ended around 3.30 am. Finally, she was admitted to the ward at 4.30am, with a fractured bone in her spine and a remark “骨头贬掉” from the doctor. I never thought bone can “贬掉”, like the way bread “贬掉”. It took us quite sometime to figure that out, with the help of a nurse from China, “骨头贬掉” means the bone narrowed. Mother was discharged on the eve of Chinese New Year with a metal frame on her body, a walking frame, and lots of medications. As she could hardly walk, climbing a storey of stairs would be impossible, an ambulance was engaged.

Life is not easy. But, thank God, it is not as bad as I imagined. Although, there is lots of housework, my father and brother are very helpful; my mother's friend helps us go to the market whenever our refrigerator is empty; my ex-student offered to lend us a wheelchair; another friend offered to lend us her maid. Best of all, my mother has shown great improvement too. Even though the pain is still unbearable, she could walk slowly without the walking frame and climb half a storey of stairs. If my brother could move back, life would be perfect.

选择面对

2007-02-13T23:22:00.000+08:00

印象中我从来就没有背对着车门，就算巴士/地铁再拥挤，我也一定会在那个狭隘的空间里转过身去面对车门。或许是被车外的风景所牵引；又或者是被车门两旁厚实的柱子所吸引、握起来不仅高度适度，还非常稳定，只恨自己不是树熊，不然就可将柱子环抱怀中；或许是一种与生俱来的本能。

昨夜，我和学生一起乘坐地铁，小朋友背对着车门，我忍不住唠叨起来。有一年的冬天，我在北京搭公车（大巴士）进城经过积水潭车站，只见旁边的一辆小巴停了下来，不知何故突然一位小姐背对着车门掉了下来，只见她坐起来，后脑勺满是鲜红的血珠，过不久就如瀑布似奔流出来。如果，她当时不是背对着车门而是面对着车门，从车门掉下来最多只是跌破鼻子，毁容应该也是免不了的。

小朋友问我那是哪一年的事。应该是在95年末96年初。时间过得真快，晃眼间十年已过，有些事还是忘不了。

无可推诿的责任

2007-02-04T23:36:00.000+08:00

2002年上慕道班时印象与影响最深的是牧师的自由论：上帝有百分之百的主权；“人”有绝对的自由，只是“人”必须为自己的自由负百分之百的责任。有些事我可以不去做、有些困难我可以不面对，有些答案我也可以不知道。只是最后选择了“不可”，就必须承担后果。

其实，我可以减少工作量，但是我没有。不是为了金钱，而是为了不让更多的人/学生失望。

其实，我可以用现有的筝独奏曲作为群筝合奏的乐曲，但是我没有，为了实现心中的艺术理念。

其实，当我发现演奏者和乐曲无法融合时，我可以用不换乐曲，但是我没有。虽然我每写12小节的音乐就需要用三个小时，我还是坚持。

其实，面对突如其来的政策改变，而所造成的青年节比赛的参赛人数不足时，我完全可以漠视，但是我没有，还不停地鼓励学生，希望他们不要放弃理想。只要他们招募足够的人员，就算是白丁，我也会尽心尽力协助他们，给自己增加忙碌与烦恼。

其实，这一切的忙碌与烦恼都自找的。既然选择了，就必须承担。

I wish, I wish, I wish!

2007-02-01T23:19:00.000+08:00

If I am superman, I could fly from one place to another.
If I am immortal, I could be sleepless.
If I am a scientist, I could then clone lots of me.

I will try, and try, and try......

It could be Better

2007-01-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

I thought I entered the wrong washroom when I saw this in Funan Centre. I guessed it’s convenient for mums with little boys. But, something seems to be missing.

A cubicle to contain it, I think.

2007年最难过的昨日

2007-01-22T23:43:00.000+08:00

（一）终于醒来
星期六晚在弟弟家过夜。可能是不熟悉、又或许是潮湿的环境所引发的鼻子敏感症状，再加上极热无比的沙发和猛烈的冷气，整夜翻来覆去。早晨起晚了，匆匆就出了门，才意识到路线换了、德士也少了。最后，只能乘地铁到熟悉的地方才改乘德士。结果，还是迟到。

（二）何苦继续
同事LH向我投诉学生LM的不是。LM去年还是我的学生，话太多、懒惰、不专心、不用心，在课堂上纠正了，自习时还是错误弹奏，进度几乎是零，不知道走什么狗屎运去年考五级还能得优良。家长要为孩子选择合适的好老师；好老师当然也有权力选择适合自己的学生。为了LM，去年吃完了的晚饭大多会吐出来。今年只好委屈LH了。

（三）渴望结束
从来没看过更糟的演出。上半场学生弹奏不佳、态度散漫、舞台工作零乱；下半场虽然由三位专家出场，兴致已衰。这种浪费生命的事，我不会再做。

（四）努力逃亡
我祷告上帝，寻求祂的旨意。似乎，结果如何都会欣然接受。其实不然，只是自己不愿意做决定。答案是有了，就是圣意难测，做决定还是自己。

（五）乐极生悲
回家时庆幸追到几乎跑到了巴士。由于是支线服务，错过了就得等很久。没想到，司机会思想开小差，竟然闯红灯转入另一条巷子。刹那间，整车的人都醒了，有的以为搭错车，有的赶紧按铃急于下车，连司机本人也吓坏了。接下来的乱乱开、几乎和对面的巴士亲嘴等，坐得我胆战心惊。有乘客道破，原来是司机的车牌号开了二奖。

挥别阴雨连绵的日子

2007-01-16T23:54:00.000+08:00

今天难得放晴，最好是散步，尤其是在傍晚，落日与晚霞相随的时候，感觉清爽的微风擦肩而过的舒适、品茗黄兰的幽香、游走于明净的尘世间。入夜，耳边缠绕着蟋蟀共鸣的融洽，是最好的催眠剂。

艳阳下，最好什么都别作，看小朋友们奔跑、游戏。5分钟的休息时间就足够DL抓一只青蛙了。下课时，我在课室外的果园中看到DL装青蛙的塑胶袋子，就问DL为什么这么不负责任。DL答说，就因为负责任，所以才自己抓的要自己放。我：不是把它当宠物带回家饲养更为尽责吗？DL：“如果把它带回家，我会天天忙着抓很多蚂蚁的。”

下雨天别睡觉

2007-01-12T23:53:00.000+08:00

睡了，就可惜了这滴答雨声、错过了朦胧的美景和舒适的凉风。如果，可以和亲友共聚一堂，围着暖和的火锅，还可以吃上一天，仿佛又回到了冬季……再不然，自己一人自闭在家，享受片刻的宁静也好。

切莫辜负了这绵绵的雨季。

钟爱之物 II

2007-01-11T23:30:00.000+08:00

我在新加坡饲养的金鱼命都不长，一般上不出两个星期就必须举行葬礼。所以，每次手痒又要尝试饲养时，母亲都会阻止我。去年，拥有两百多条金鱼的余老师要送我几条，倒是自己提不起勇气，鱼儿至今还在余老师寄放它们的农场里。

其实，我在大学时期饲养的几条也还挺长寿的。最起码在我毕业时还健在，共四条，黑、红、白、橙色。有一回，黑色的那条生病，被我隔离喂食Panadol。痊愈后，竟然变身成了黄色的，连累其他的几条也要住在Panadol汤里去除黑斑。

是什么原因使我从1995年的冬天就开始饲养它们？肯定不是因为寂寞。因为当时的我已经忙得睡眠不足，连吃饭的时间也不够。更不是因为爱心泛滥。在冬天看过我给它们换水的人都不会反对。冬天理想的换水时间应该是中午。水要在前一天预备，最好让水晒上一个早上的太阳，吸收日光的精华。但是，实在是太忙了，每天都是半夜十二点才能给它们换上刚从水龙头取来的水。可能是安逸惯了，鱼缸不大，虽然没有装饰物，但无需觅食，所以任何时候，我的鱼儿都是懒洋洋的，也就只有在换水时刻才能实实在在地感觉到它们还活着。鱼儿只要碰到那冰冷的水，就会进入兴奋的状态，完全漠视了鱼缸的存在，只想冲出这寒冷的环境，飞快的来回奔驰，在无数撞击的剧烈运动以后，最终会气喘吁吁地如狗一般。

主人如我，它们也无可奈何。或许就因为有了这些锻炼，它们才能活得久一些。所以，苦难未尝不是一种磨练。日子再苦，也要过。

钟爱之物

2007-01-10T23:36:00.000+08:00

据说，因着猪年的来临，体形永远“迷你”的宠物小香猪也成为了人们的时尚品。可惜，我一向对毛茸茸的动物有恐惧感，只能隔着笼子做远距离观赏。因此，要成为我的宠物还不是很容易。以前，我饲养过金鱼，现在的只有乌龟一只，是学生送的。就是，不知从什么时候开始，它似乎已经成为了母亲的宠物。

我家附近的一个咖啡店近日翻新。翻新后，整个环境变得明亮、干净、舒适多了。有些摊位的摊主也换了。其中，水果Rojak以前的老板又回来营业了。前几天晚饭后，我和母亲外出归来时经过，我嘴馋，非得在那里吃上一口。但是，母亲不愿意在咖啡店里用餐，我只好心不甘情不愿地打包。

在等候的过程中，我发现了一个宠物不得进入的新告示。我打趣说，我们不留在店里吃，是因为我是母亲的宠物。母亲不认同。确实，如果她宠我，就会陪我在店里用食。突然间，我恍然大悟。原来，母亲才是宠物。

美好的开始

2007-01-07T11:28:00.000+08:00

感谢上帝的带领，在2007的第一个主日度过了愉快又充实的一天。因为住得离教会很远，今早难得在7.30am之前就到教会参加早祷会。在新年的第一个主日能回神的面前敬拜，出席教会侍奉人员的就职典礼，立志遵行主的旨意，是喜乐的。今年卸下了儿童主日学的侍奉，可以安静地听道、享受主丰富的恩典，是幸福的。上成人主日学查考上帝的话语，更是能满足渴慕真理的心。

下午连续工作了七个小时，身体虽让疲惫，内心却是平安的。愿接下的358日都有天父的同行、看顾与指引。

亲爱的2007

2007-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

希望自己、

每一位爱我和我爱的人、

每一位不爱我和我不爱的人，

都能找到属于自己的幸福。

愿我们有一个平安、喜乐、蒙福的一年。

又过了迷迷糊糊的一天

2006-12-11T23:12:00.000+08:00

我已经尽力了，努力睡觉、喝水、吃药。就是脾气不好，经常和自己过不去。接下来几日要在教会的少年进深营（12/12/06 – 16/12/06）侍奉。希望明天会好起来。

我学乖了

2006-12-11T00:12:00.000+08:00

最近的身体健康一直不是很好。上个星期原以为复原了，今天老毛病又来了。马上去看了医生。虽然止吐的药也可以控制晕眩，因为血压太低，时不时就会晕。医生千叮万嘱要多喝水、什么水都可以、薏米水也可以，还要多休息。休息，似乎很难，唯有努力喝水。

悔不当初

2006-12-09T11:11:00.000+08:00

九年前的今天，恩师邱大成因患脑溢血突发，抢救无济而离世。病发当晚，我突然有一股冲动，很想上他家看看他。但是XPL把我拦住了，说什么又不是过节，哪能说上去就去，等几天过圣诞节再去见他。结果，第二天我们就在医院的加护病房见了，只是老师已不省人事了。

从此悔恨的就没离开过。大家都劝我，如果那天我真上去了，气死他的将会是我。因为，死神注定是要把他走的。可是，我还是耿耿于怀，总觉得欠他太多了。

别的同学上大学专业课的课时是每节课45分钟，一星期两节。我上课却是一整个上午。从早晨8点到吃了中午饭，午休时间不是讲故事给我听，就是一起看曲艺节目中的评书。不然，就是一起研究古筝的码子、琴弦等方面构造上与音色的课题。除了扮演教师的角色，邱老师同时也肩负了父亲的任务，甚至比亲生的还像。生活上的大小事无一不管。逢年过节都是在他们家过。周末也没有不去的，就如自己家似的。只是当年太吝啬了，总觉得时间不够用、全部的心思都用在学习上。所以，我讨厌周末，很不情愿地回家吃饭、培着玩。师母喜欢“升级(类似桥牌的游戏)”，认为这个游戏不仅对活动脑细胞有益，还是社交活动的必需品，就逼着我学、打错牌时还得挨骂。

我们就这样过了4年，到后来，我甚至可以还没上课就知道老师会说什么。为了我的发展，他也大方地安排把我换给林玲老师。换了老师后，我也乐得过些自由的日子。三个月后，邱老师逝世时大家都没了依靠，我还有林老师。就是每次想起他在死前最后对我说的一句话竟是：“有空要回家里来”，我也就只能难过。或许这样的感觉会一直存在，永远无法释怀。心再痛也是活该。

只求对得起自己的心

2006-12-08T23:42:00.000+08:00

有时我问自己，为什么要这么拼命。原因只有一个，我不想将来后悔。
你们问我，为什么要求这么苛刻。原因也只有一个，我不想你们将来后悔。

一场角逐完美的竞赛就这样展开了……

过程纵使艰苦也甘愿。
结果纵然不尽人意也坦然。

渴望安逸

2006-12-08T02:00:00.000+08:00

除了4月份的Singapore Youth Festival Central Judging, 11/12月份是华乐老师非常忙碌的时节。今年，老师们不仅要应付各个乐器的考级，还要为学生预备两年一度的全国华乐比赛。身体的疲惫是其次，最可怕的过程是精神上的折磨。然而，结果往往又身不由己。再过几个小时我就局部解放了。过不久，解放了的局部又会重新被捆绑。什么时候才会完全呢？

今天的心情

2006-12-01T19:07:00.000+08:00

如金鱼般的日子

2006-11-27T19:48:00.000+08:00

这两个星期，胃气高涨、腹部肿胀得像大肚金鱼，晚饭后更是经常性地留不住食物。因为怕麻烦、不愿忌这个避那个，因此能拖多久就拖多久，就是不去给医生看。上个星期五更厉害，因为没时间吐，索性不吃晚餐。

其实这么拖着也还好，既可以省钱又可以减肥。然而，昨天实在是胃痛得不行、连止痛药也不管用了，主日崇拜后才去看了医生。不出所料，果然是肠胃感冒，领了一堆的药，其中有止吐与控制晕眩的。但是，吃了药的我不仅形似金鱼，神情也如金鱼般、终日都处于晕晕乎乎、模模糊糊的状态中。只可惜，上课的时候学生的错误弹奏还是不会听不见。

叫我如何不用死

2006-11-24T23:51:00.000+08:00

听完考级的学生弹的《寒鸦戏水》，我只说了一句：

我真的想马上撞墙死掉。

听完比赛的学生弹的《丰收锣鼓》，我无奈地说了：

I just want to hang myself to death.

今天给学生上完十一多个小时课后的我，

现在满脑子就只想安乐死。

Ambling in the Realms of Virtual Reality

2006-11-19T21:30:00.000+08:00

Welcome to play with MOON, my first adopted virtual pet (see page bottom).

储蓄睡眠

2006-11-17T23:57:00.000+08:00

昨晚8点就开始睡了，中间十一点多的时候醒来一次，不到一小时又沉睡了。今早十点才起床。午饭后又小歇了一个多小时。现在又要去努力了，不只是把前一阵子欠的债还清，还要有多余的去应付下星期忙碌的一周。

I Believe

2006-11-16T23:49:00.000+08:00

This afternoon, I told the class, “我不相信你们会做得不好（I do not believe that you all would do it not well）”. Some students commented that I should phrase it as, “我相信你们会做得好 (I believe that you all could do well).” I told them the former is suitable for writings with the set requirement of a high minimum number of words, while the later is best for summary writings with a low maximum number.

In this case, however, they should have different implications. Not my gibberish, I hoped, product of my high temperature these few days.

不想念的思念

2006-11-15T22:11:00.000+08:00

现在要是有点滴打该多好。
就算是玻璃瓶装、旧得发黄的塑胶管子、超大的针孔，也是一种幸福。

就在一线之间

2006-11-14T00:08:00.000+08:00

午饭时电台正好在谈婚姻与外遇。有一位男性听众认为男性天生就需要一夫多妻的制度。就是忍不住，我轻声地嘀咕了一句：“其实，女人也可以一妻多夫。”我家老太太不以为然，说：“那不是和妓女一样！”

当然不同，我说：“妓女是提供服务的，是男人的货品。夫是女人的资产，夫越多口袋就越满。”

Just being Silly

2006-11-13T00:45:00.000+08:00

Reading too much ......
Feeling too nausea ......
Ignoring too little ......

换个角度看人生

2006-11-12T23:38:00.000+08:00

生命不息，赚钱不止。

~ 我HL姐姐的名言

Your question is not mine; my problem is not yours. Why?

2006-11-11T21:55:00.000+08:00

Nowadays,
students are always very worried about me. They would constantly urge me to find a life partner.

My standard answer: Don’t worry, I could get myself a maid.
They, however, think that a maid is not the perfect solution.

My perfect solution: I could move to an Old Folks Home where there will be many companions.
Unfortunately, they are still unhappy with this.

To satisfy them: You all could visit me with your children to keep me company in the future.

Nowadays,
I always have to worry. Although, students want to participate in performances, graded examinations, and competitions, they are not working towards their goals. In fact, they are drifting away. What could I do?

Nowadays,
we are just not connected properly.

Ridiculous Me

2006-11-10T23:58:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, while we are struggling to rectify the off-tuned Ti (7) by increasing the tension of the pressed string to produce a slightly higher pitch, an idea struck me. I, then, told the class that we should organized a field trip to observe the tea plantations in Cameron Highlands .

Why?

This is to remind us that “teas” are grown on “high” lands.

突发奇想

2006-11-06T00:02:00.000+08:00

今晚在地铁站外见到一群孩子开心地向一脸幸福的老伯买雪糕。
刹那间，好想放下一切，去卖雪糕。

简单的丰裕

2006-11-05T23:57:00.000+08:00

An interesting advertisement: When more is a product of less.

美丽的代价

2006-11-03T00:22:00.000+08:00

Alienating myself in a hairdressing saloon for four hours.

早到的街饰

2006-11-01T06:25:00.000+08:00

佳节的记忆，

在这座没有太多过去的城市中，

苏醒。

雨天遐想

2006-10-25T23:28:00.000+08:00

下雨天留客，天留我不留。
下雨天留客，天留我？不留。
下雨天留客，天留我不？留。
下雨，天留客；天留我不留！
下雨天，留客天，留我？不留。
下雨天，留客天；留我不？留。
下雨天，留客天，留我不留？

面对以上的这么多排列方式，你会作何选择呢？

恼人的豆豆

2006-10-25T00:42:00.000+08:00

我讨厌逗号！最怕遇到哪种没过个字/音就加上句逗的情况，犹如得了哮喘病。避不了、逃不掉，只好为了它发愁：应该放在哪里才好呢？

昨天，学生YF对我说：“Aunty，我 ......”
这句话还未讲完，我已经火冒三丈了。
YF连忙解释：“老师，我没有叫你Aunty。 Aunty是指我自己。”

原来是“Aunty 我，......”，现代青年人的新玩意。可是，思前想后，还是觉得奇怪。

置身在烟雾中

2006-10-21T02:28:00.000+08:00

近日的烟雾让我想起了与我有一口之缘的熏肝。

熏肝，和熏鱼、熏鸡一样，属于熏制食品的一种，是大学时期同琴房的CH回湖南过年时家里做的。他本来带了一大桶，但都被其他同学抢光了，好不容易才留了一小片给我。CH比我早毕业，所以熏肝也就只吃了这么一回。

据说这道菜很不好做，得先将猪肝煮熟剁碎，加入猪血、肉末等，再灌入猪肠内，待猪血凝故后，点燃上好的檀香将之熏染至干燥后，切成薄片和辣椒翻炒。吃起来味道不仅甘美，还檀香回绕、终日不散。

期待明天

2006-10-19T01:32:00.000+08:00

为什么有 “塞翁失马，焉知非福”之说，而无“塞翁得马，焉知非祸”呢？
因为，我们都在期待，希望有一个美好的明天。

明天的明天一定要更幸福。

日常好过

2006-10-18T02:42:00.000+08:00

学生Lee不识中文，但却爱上某件艺术雕刻品中所呈现的这四个字。他的同事为他译为：“Simple days are easier to pass.” But，simple is“简单”，while“常”could be平常that is ordinary or common; 正常normal or natural; 不变的 invariable or constant. Regardless of how it is interpreted，习以为常了，日子就会好过一些。

心悦的午后

2006-10-15T23:48:00.000+08:00

这是上个星期日欣赏的日本歌咏及筝乐演奏的节目单。以一个不会日语的人来看，这场演出虽然是业余的，但演员们认真的态度与追求完美的心灵，不得不让人肃然起敬。

10月14日，一个属于妳的夜晚

2006-10-15T01:52:00.000+08:00

这一夜，我们相聚、展望未来、

共话木麻黄下的青春岁月......

再见了，我的第一张SIM Card

2006-10-14T00:32:00.000+08:00

上个星期五，我的手机被迫和相依为命的SIM card道别。据服务员的说法，它不是坏了而是旧得无法被手机识别了。自从拥有手机以来，我就不曾换过SIM card。不是我不迷糊，也不是我特细心，而是几次惊险的遗失最终都被宝贝们抢救回来的。除了SIM card 没换过之外，我也还算蛮会爱惜手机的，等到合约满了好久以后才舍得更换机子。就这样，这些年来也攒了不多部。这些旧机子没什么毛病，就是还很新，不留恋我，都跟人跑了。这回的SIM card应该跑不动了吧！